Brainspotting: Phase One
I mostly tread in the land of food and event planning. Even at home and with friends, I explore fresh ingredients, try new recipe components and techniques and plan gatherings with friends.
My two greatest loves are relationship and food - good thing they go together quite nicely. It’s been interesting how many times I end up in deep conversations with people (both clients and friends) on a psychological level. I naturally find myself asking questions out of curiosity with a desire for deeper connection and understanding. Humankind fascinates me.
I began a new educational journey when I filed for divorce after a 21 year marriage. I devoured my coursework on trauma recovery from high conflict relationships. I grieved and grew (and continue to grow) as I identified protector parts developed to get to this 47th year of my life. The brain’s number one goal is survival through energy conservation and the preservation of homeostasis and it is damn good at finding any way possible. I am accepting that even the most outwardly unhealthy modes of survival are the brain’s beautiful way of keeping one alive and awake for another day. My passion for others is to help create space to look at thoseprotector parts, create a pathway for healing trauma and journey with them to a life of freedom and fullness they never knew was possible.
The brain is so f-ing amazing. We really do take advantage of the neuroplasticity, rewiring and healing capability living inside each of us. The left brain processing 15-65 bits of known information per second vs. the right brain processing 11 million bits of perceiving information per second - color, senses, understanding wholistically how everything relates…PER SECOND!
This weekend, my Brainspotting training took place in the UK with Mark Grixti. Dear God, I could listen to his voice all day - the most calming, British accent - and his beautiful curly locks of shoulder length hair are the vision of a modern day Jesus. Crushing aside, he definitely is heart and soul, a beautiful part of the training. Since Mark is in the UK and I am in my Minnesota living room, for three consecutive days, I groggily walked in the darkness of the night to my gray sectional at 3am. Four hours later, I enjoyed the sunrise in the reflection of my MacBook and wrapping up at noon, I felt it was time for dinner. The 73 online participants were an incredible highlight with our common bond of experiencing training in narcissistic trauma and now studying to work in the mental health world to help ourselves and others heal through it. I connected with Mark’s heart for others in this dual attunement mode of therapy. Far from talk therapy, brainspotting is quite relational with the practitioner and requires a deep mindfulness.
The use of a specific focal point engages neurobiological regulation and bypasses parts of the brain not involved in the healing process. I was skeptical at first, but having witnessed 4 therapy sessions led by Mark, having 4 different clients I worked with and going through the practice 4 times myself, my skepticism is registering at 0%. I still have not found the words to describe the deep healing that took place. Science backs it up and experience solidified my decision to use brainspotting to impact lives of those who have not experienced the healing they longed for through talk therapy and other modalities. Exhilaration and exhaustion were the two words that best describe my intense and beautiful training experience.
Fine tuning a recipe is one of my favorite parts of my culinary job - both at home when cooking for family and friends and at work when Chef Adam will hand me a tasting spoon and ask me what I think. Those tweaks - more acid to brighten the flavor, more fat to glide more slowly over the taste buds, more texture to keep the tongue from boredom. Analyzing, changing and creating a great experience with each flavorful bite. NOTICING is key. I’m sure we can all picture someone in our lives that sits down to eat and scarfs down the entire plate of food in front of them without even noticing the flavors in the dish. But slowing down, noticing how it feels in the mouth, the flavor components that begin in one place and end in another - that is the fulfillment the creator of the dish desires.
And so it is with us. How are we doing at slowing down and enjoying ourselves? Do we take time to notice what our body is telling us? What are we doing to pay attention to what is working well and what is not, not just at the dinner table, but in our own lives?
I would be remiss not to mention that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Often we think of physical violence when we think of domestic abuse. However, there are all types of violent abuse that take place in the home. My thoughts are with those that not only suffer physical abuse and fear for their physical safety, but also the men and women that face daily emotional, psychological and verbal abuse. Both face daily questions about their identity and survival and can be confused because there are not always words for how they feel or why they feel the way they do. Yet mindfully they can say that something is off. They both love the person they are with and know that it’s not ok to be treated that way. They feel trapped and unresourced and very alone. They have been conditioned to believe it is their fault and they take responsibility for their partner’s abuse. As outsiders we generally get frustrated when we see someone stay with an abusive partner. It’s complicated. Gift kindness to someone you know that is in a difficult relationship and bring community to a place of darkness in their life.
If your life is in danger or you are feeling smaller day by day because of the domestic relationship you are in, take the brave step to reach out to the hotline using the link below. You are loved and you are valuable and there is life on the other side of abuse that is waiting for you.
With Love, Hope and Healing,
Lisa
If you are experiencing domestic abuse of any kind (physical, psychological, emotional, verbal,
etc.), please use the resources provided here. You do not need physical scars to find healing
and help.
https://www.thehotline.org/
For a directory of Brainspotting experts in your area:
https://brainspotting.com/directory/